Envy, love, sacrifice, divorce, cooperation, partnership, companionship, jealousy, selfishness, giving, understanding, selfless, comforting, complaining, humor, romance, boredom, sadness, loyalty, God-fearing –which of these describe your marriage or the marriage of your parents? If I asked you to circle those you thought would contribute to a good and lasting marriage, would they be the same qualities that could describe your relationship?
Before my husband died in 2014, we had been married for 56 years – most of them happy. The odds were against us; I was fifteen and he was almost nineteen when we said our “I do’s.” When young couples asked us how we did it, we would answer, “Only God knows.” Our days weren’t without troubles and trials. Some days we felt we hardly had anything in common, but the important factor that sealed our union was both of us loved God and desired to put HIM first. We did learn a few things along the way:

1. We put God first and stayed faithful in church.
2. We took the word “divorce” out of our marriage vocabulary.
3. When there is a family conflict, let the woman settle it with her family and the man with his. Blood can forgive blood quicker than someone who isn’t blood-related.
4. We learned some things weren’t worth arguing over. If the end results weren’t going to change, why argue?
5. We learned we were happiest when we put the other’s desires over our own. (Did we always do this? NO.)
6. We learned to compromise on many things.
7. We learned to express love in word and deed, even on our worst days.
8. We learned to play together and be best friends.
Looking back, I laugh at many of our mishaps and even our arguments. Sometimes I wonder if we were legally married. The preacher called Steve “Willard” throughout the ceremony. When we started on our honeymoon after the reception, we got just out of Albertville when I realized I had left my new white swimsuit (which, to my dismay, became totally transparent when it got wet.) Rather than going back and having to say the goodbyes again, we stopped at a pay phone (no cell phones those days) and asked my dad to bring it to us. When he got there, he told us we were headed the wrong direction if we were going to the Smokies. I remember his shaking his head at our inexperience. I know he must have bitten his tongue to keep from questioning his wisdom in allowing his young daughter to go off with this guy.
Coming home, Steve got sleepy and asked me to drive for a while. Keep in mind, I wasn’t old enough to have drivers’ licenses, but I had been driving since I was eleven. I was a big sleepyhead when traveling. Steve said, “Now if you get sleepy, wake me up.”
I took him at his word. After he dozed off, my eyes got heavy. After what seemed a long time, I woke him and said, “I’ve gone as far as I can.” He looked at the odometer and I had driven only twelve miles.
We ended up leading quite a few marriage retreats over the years. One thing we stressed was “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards.” In other words, ask yourself if you can live with your mate’s worst faults before you marry. Don’t marry expecting to change him or her. Then, quit looking for faults after you marry. Nobody is going to be perfect.
We also stressed the importance of affirming your mate to other people instead of criticizing them. We practiced that in one of the sessions; each person would say something nice about their partner. One time, all one man could think to say was, “Cindy is handy.” Although this produced laughter, we really knew it was high praise coming from a young farmer. He valued a helpmate who would hand him tools or go the store to get a tractor part he needed.
Matthew 19:6
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. KJV

Barbara’s upcoming events:
6:00 PM August 13, 2019, Philos Book Club, Boaz Library
Nov. 1 – 11, 2019 co-hosting trip to England and Scotland.

Contact Barbara Eubanks at 256-572-3932 for your next event – church civic, ladies’ retreat, widows’ retreat or whatever.